Dear Mom 10

Dear Mom,

It has been two years.  Two full years since I last heard your voice.  Two years since I have seen your smile, and two years from the last time I went to bed knowing my mom was just a phone call away.  I miss you as much today as I did two years ago.  I still feel like life for me is not fair.  I still feel like you abandoned me.

I know it isn’t fair, but it is how I feel.  I miss you very much mom. There are so many things going on in my life that I need you to be here for.  Some things I want to share with you, some things I need answers that only you can give me.  A mother is supposed to be there for her daughter and you aren’t.  I feel angry with you.

Above my anger, though, I miss you.  I miss your laugh and your smile. I miss your excitement over the smallest of things, and I have some things that would have made you so very excited.  My book is getting some interest, Mom.  You would be so proud of me.

My kids are growing every day and you are missing it.  Most of all, they are missing you.  Our girl still talks about you all of the time and breaks in to tears asking for you a lot.  She starting to forget what you used to do together.  She remembers your connection, but some of the games, she has to ask what you used to play with her.  It makes me sad.  Our boy, it just isn’t fair that he never gets to experience what time with Mimi was all about.  It was the best of times.

There are so many things of you around me every day and I just wish I still had you.  It’s because I love you mom.  One day I may be able to let you go.  I may be able to embrace your blessing and be happy for you, but that day is not today.  Not yet.  I miss my mom.

I love you!

Love,

Me